Northern Waters • Good Friends • No Snitches
Year II • The Northwoods Job
Ely, Minnesota • July 30 to Aug 5, 2026
Every summer the family heads north. No suits, no city, just fishing boats, a full cooler, and a lake full of walleye that owe us money. It started in 2025 with a crew that hasn't shut up about it since. The rules are simple: respect the lake, back the family, and whatever happens in the boat stays in the boat. Unless it's funny. Then it goes right here, on the record, forever.
Made men, every one. No auditions, no snitches, no exceptions.
Booking photos on file. Nicknames pending official review. Bios are 100% unauthorized. Complaints go in the lake.
The Lineup
Every job the family has pulled. And the one coming up.
Family lore: they say Al Capone himself used to slip up to Ely and the Northwoods to cool off when Chicago got too hot. Good enough for Big Al, good enough for us.
Every family answers to somebody. Nobody's ever gotten a clean photo of the one who really runs the Northwoods. Except this one. Squatch family first, walleye a close second.
The one that started the family. Fishing boats, camping, and a lake up north that had no idea what was coming. Somebody caught the first walleye, somebody lost a rod, and everybody agreed on the spot: this happens every year.
The Boundary Waters caught fire this year and the wilderness is closed, so the family does what the family does: adapts. We move the whole operation to the lakes around Ely and fish everything outside the burn. Same crew, one bigger, and Neeks finally gets made. July 30 to August 5. Attendance is not optional. The walleye that aren't on fire have been warned.
Already booked in spirit. The family does not miss a summer. Wherever the walleye run, the family follows. Bring your A game and a bigger cooler.
The Itinerary
Year II • The Northwoods Job • Ely, MN • July 30 to Aug 5
LAST CASTthen somebody has to drive home. Not it.
Honors nobody asked for and nobody can give back.
Last year's title-holders, held by name. Every one is a marked man. Clip the record in Year II and it's yours.
Reigning: Seamus • 22-inch bass, a half-inch off the state record, Year I
The record the whole family is gunning for, and this one is no fish story. A 22-inch bass, a half-inch short of the state record. Measured at the boat, witnessed, and completely real. Beat it this year and the title is yours. Fair warning: that bar is basically the ceiling.
Reigning: AJ • most fish landed, Year I
Most walleye to the boat, all week. Last cast of the night always seems to have one on it. Out-fish him in Year II and you clip the title. Quantity has a quality all its own.
Reigning: Chase • smallest catch, Year I
Smallest fish of the trip. Yes, the Don himself. Held up like a trophy, released out of mercy. Catch something tinier this year and the shame is all yours. The family will never let it go.
Reigning: Nick • the guide, Year I
Put the whole family on fish all week, then celebrated the Northwoods way and earned every minute of it. What happens at the cabin stays at the cabin. Somebody has to take this one off him in Year II. Good luck with that.
No records to beat here, just permanent reputations. Earned once, non-refundable.
Nick "The Net" Riley. Hardest-charging good time on the water, and he still nets your trophy when it counts. Full commitment, every single trip.
Danny. Runs two rods because one is for suckers. Half the stringer already has his name on it and he will happily remind you.
JT. First man asleep by the fire, every single year, undefeated. There are photos of all of them, and JT swears none of it ever happened.
Neeks. Calls his shot every single year: this is the one where he lands the big one. The family is still waiting, lovingly, cooler in hand.
Shore lunch excellence under pressure. Up for grabs every year. Michelin has not returned our calls. The family gives no stars, only seconds.
Not the biggest fish, the biggest lie about one. The most competitive award in the family, and the only one everybody enters.
Reserved for every walleye that meets the family this year. Nothing personal. It's just business, and up here, everybody swims with the fishes eventually. They knew what this was.
Boundary Waters, walleye, and family lore. Prove you belong. No Googling, no snitching.
NO GOOGLING. NO SNITCHING.
Leaked from the family group chat. Real quotes, real geniuses. Nobody here is innocent.
The planning begins, as it always does:
Fresh leaks get posted here all season. This is a sample. The real gold goes on the record once the crew starts talking.
The long versions. Trip legends, close calls, and whatever needs to go on the permanent record. Family only.
Every good story grows 20% a year. This is not a bug. This is the system working.
Opening the files…
Every photo one tap away. 0 pieces of evidence and counting. Add yours straight from the boat.
Ten days out from Ely, straight from the sky. Rain, smoke, wind, or shine: the family fishes.
Reading the sky…
Forecast courtesy of the atmosphere. Bite guarantee not included.
The family's waters, all around Ely. The Boundary Waters is closed for fires this year, so we're fishing everything else. The best spots are not on the map. Nice try.
Trash talk, corrections to the official record, and trip planning. Family only.
🔒 This room is for the family. What's the password? (security is very important to us)
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